For most of my life, I've battled against body dysmorphia; that is, I worry intensely about my appearance. Yes, I've had issues with my weight, but the main focus of my dysmorphia has always been on my skin, in particular, my complexion.
I was bullied like hell as a teenager, and my appearance was part of that. I never had acne, and on reflection, my complexion has always been pretty good, but that didn't seem to matter because I felt ugly.
The bullying caused me to suffer intense anxiety and self-hatred, so I started to engage in self-harming behavior to ease my emotional pain. Now, I know what you're thinking, but I didn't cut or starve; instead, I started obsessively washing, scratching, picking at my horrible ugly face, causing irreversible damage which I still see in the mirror today.
I get it, obsessive-compulsive face-scratching is weird, but I was hurting inside and I needed to express that by hurting on the outside too. I think at the time, a lot of people thought I was driven by vanity (you know, a strong desire to be the 'prettiest'), but it wasn't about beauty at all, it was (please excuse the cliche) a cry for help.
I won't give too many details about my recovery - it was a long process beyond the scope of this blog post (though if you would like to hear about my story please do drop a comment below or send me a Tweet). I finally stopped my compulsive skin-damaging about two years ago now and after a few years of careful skincare, I'm finally starting to repair the damage that I did to my face.
This post isn't a sob story, it's a success story. Below is a picture of me that was taken yesterday - my skin looks better than ever and I'm so proud to be able to post this. Not only am I finally proud of myself, I actually get compliments on my skin regularly.
If you would like to hear more about my skincare routine and how I minimised the damage to my complexion, please do comment below or drop me a message on Twitter
Much love, and thanks for reading x
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