A little over three years ago, I made a big decision - I decided to 'come out' to the world about my Bipolar disorder.
I received my diagnosis in the autumn of 2016, after experiencing months of emotional turmoil which resulted in a breakdown at work. I took a hiatus from my PhD (during which I sought medical help) and began receiving treatment in the form of psychotherapy and anti-psychotic medication.
Five months later (which is no time at all in the grand scheme of recovery!) I found returning to work very difficult. I had to learn to navigate my PhD with Bipolar (the emotional turmoil which now had a name) as an obstacle; I had to learn to work with Bipolar before I'd really learned to live with it - but that's a whole other post!
Upon returning to my PhD, I learned some valuable lessons about myself and my condition. I learned that for me, being open helps. Being open about my condition means that I can receive the help and support I need (most of the time) and it's actually helped me come to accept my condition.
Being open didn't just help me come to terms with myself, it also helped me find others who I could relate to. I found that whilst mental illness was rife within the graduate community, no one really wanted to talk about the instability which comes with Bipolar disorder - I guess because academics are all supposed to be level headed, matter-of-fact and above all, consistent. But there are Bipolar researchers out there, and it is possible to maintain an academic career alongside a mood disorder - it's extremely difficult, but if your condition is managed well, it is possible. I guess my advice to any PhD student who is a survivor of mental ill health is this: be honest and be proud of yourself, because between us we are a community. By the nature of existing we are proof there is a place for us in academia.
~ InfraRedRum
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